PicklePieCow

Hello everyone,

For the past eight weeks, I’ve been in the hospital following a failed suicide attempt. I’m not going to go into the specifics of the attempt itself, but I will say that it caused a bit of physical damage. I had fractures to my spine and pelvis, along with internal bleeding that required a chest tube and a kidney stent. I was brought into ICU at first, which surprised me at the time, but I think it was just because of the bleeding, because they moved me out pretty much right after the stent was put in (the tube had been put in while I was unconscious, along with a catheter, which I promise I will not discuss in detail). I was briefly evaluated by a psychiatrist while I was there, though I think I was half asleep most of the time due to the painkillers. I definitely must have had my eyes closed most of the time bc I don’t ever remember seeing his face. Anyway, he was like “I think autism spectrum disorder might be a fitting diagnosis for you” and I was like “sounds fake but alright” and then I never saw that guy again. Or…at all I guess since I never saw him to begin with.

Anyway, after the ICU I got moved into a room with 4 beds and 2 nurses there at all times. I was still on a lot of pain meds at that time, so I was pretty sleepy, and it took a few days to start on solid food. I came in on a Wednesday and I think they started serving me solids on the Sunday after. While I was in that room, people started coming to see me. There was a psychiatrist, as you would expect, who prescribed an antidepressant for me. I’m still taking it now in fact. I don’t really think it’s doing much, at least not right now, but it isn’t hurting either. We thought it might be, because I started getting pretty bad nausea the same day I started it, and I did throw up a few times, but I don’t have it anymore and I think it was uh. Bathroom related. Anyways um. There was a social worker who talked to me a few times as well, and the addictions specialists spoke to me too. That was wild because like, after one conversation, I was honest about my drinking habits and the person was like “alrighty I don’t think you’re addicted” and I told them I wouldn’t drink anymore, which is true, because I really only started drinking for the sake of self destruction and if I kept drinking I probably Would end up addicted so it’s better to stop…which is too bad bc it was actually way more fun than I thought it would be, but I guess that era is over. Anyway though, that should have been it…except they just kept coming back to see me and talk to me and give me more handouts about safe drinking habits that don’t matter to someone who has already pledged to stop drinking (also they’re pointless because like why the fuck would I drink just one shot of vodka a day what’s the point) and I was like…is this conversation not over? Why do you keep coming back and interrogating me? They asked me about my sexuality too at one point, which is a very touchy subject to me, and also what in the Fuck does it have to do with alcohol use??? Wtf??? Thankfully they stopped talking to me after a while but good lord, that was a lot. They also seemed misinformed, like I could be wrong, but it felt sometimes like maybe they thought I got drunk and Then decided to kill myself when in reality, I was already going to commit and I just got drunk first to mess with my judgment to make it easier, because I have attempted this method before but ended up backing out because I was too scared, so I wanted to use substances to try and push past that. But either way, it was a while ago and the handouts they gave me were very useful as bookmarks so there is that.

I also started physiotherapy a few days into my stay in the 4 person room because my whole right side was pretty messed up and I could barely move. Couldn’t really bend my right knee at all, which is wild because I remember getting up on my knees before the paramedics arrived. I guess that was either the adrenaline or the vodka…I was pretty drunk at the time…but once I was in the hospital I could hardly move at all and it hurt like a motherfucker to be turned onto my side. However, I’ve recovered extremely well since then.

First they just had me sitting at the edge of the bed, which was honestly pretty hard at first. Then we moved on to standing. There was this standing walker thing for me to brace myself on, and then eventually we had me rotate myself while standing so that I could sit upright in a wheelchair. There was also this lift thing they could use to lift me right out of bed and into the chair. They had me sitting upright in the chair for about an hour a day, sometimes longer, which was honestly torture at the time, but I survived. After I was able to do that, and the IV had been removed, they actually moved me out of the four person room and into a two person room…which I was then moved out of and into a Different two person room within a day, which was actually nice because I got a window spot in the second one. I think that’s when I started moving with the walker…tbh the first couple weeks are a bit of a blur to me now since it was so long ago…I don’t remember the exact sequence of events…that’s also why I’m being a little vague and going through everything so fast; a lot of it is just lost to me…but anyway I barely used that assigned wheelchair at all because I was able to get up with a regular walker, the kind you normally see people using, rather than the high one I was using to stand up, and walk around a bit. Like, by the time I even learned to move around in the wheelchair, I was already able to move (a little bit) with the walker. It was tiring at first but within a fairly short time, I was able to do a few laps around the hallway. I was also able to get up and go to the bathroom by myself which was a fuckin relief let me tell you.

Eventually I was given some crutches to use as well, but then a couple days later, I was given a cane instead for…some reason…I was still mostly using the walker anyway but had to try to use the cane as well. That was the day I got brought up to the psych ward. They had already removed the chest tube, the stent (which hurt like a MOTHERFUCKER coming out let me tell you holy shit…I was bitching a lot during the operation and I feel bad for being annoying but it rly hurt), and the catheter, and they decided I was walking well enough with the walker and cane to be transferred. I was also pretty much done with the heavy duty pain meds and was mostly just getting Tylenol unless I specifically requested the hard stuff, which I didn’t do very often.

I was scared to go up to the psych ward because I knew there would be more rules and I was nervous about following them, nervous about the staff, nervous about everything I guess. I was also scared because they had just given me the cane that day and I was afraid they weren’t going to let me have my walker up there at all, but thankfully I was wrong about that. It was a little scary being there at first…but once I settled in it was just fine, especially since I was starting to get better at walking and didn’t have to lie in bed all day. There are lockers in the rooms where they keep anything dangerous or expensive or whatever. So I had a glass vase for some fake flowers that had to be locked up, though I was able to keep the flowers themselves on my nightstand. They also locked up the photos of the dog that my dad had brought in for me…don’t know what the logic was there. The rooms were all 2 person rooms, but I didn’t have the window this time. That’s fine though because it meant I got to be closer to the door and the bathroom. Every room had its own little bathroom but there were separate shower rooms. You had to ask for towels and stuff at the nursing station, which was stressful, but oh well.

Aside from that, there was a patient lounge right near my room, with a TV, a bunch of puzzles and board games, a piano, some books, etc. My mom brought some playing cards in for me to leave there but they disappeared pretty quick lmao. Still nice of her. There was also a little outdoor courtyard. This ward is on the top floor of the hospital so they were able to do that. It was fairly small but it had a couple benches, a metal picnic table, some plants…and it was nice to be able to go outside. There was a group activity room too for various groups. And then more patient rooms and some meeting rooms and offices and stuff. It was kind of interesting that there was actually Less supervision up there than I’d had downstairs. Which makes sense with the first couple rooms I was in, because those were sort of urgent care zones and my injuries were kinda serious-ish at the time, but then in the two person rooms, there was literally someone whose job was to sit in the room watching over us at all times…and then up in the psych ward, someone comes around every hour with a clipboard to take note of where everyone is, and the nurses come check on you a few times a day, but otherwise there’s a fair amount of privacy.

I was brought up on the Friday before a long weekend, so I didn’t see my doctors until Tuesday. I had a lead psychiatrist and then also a resident, who was the person I spoke with most of the time. She’s honestly my favourite mental health professional I’ve ever talked to and I miss her already. I also had a social worker and I’m quite fond of her as well. None of them were the same people I had talked to downstairs; it was an all new team. So basically every weekday you talk with the doctor(s). Sometimes it’s faster than other times. The second time we met, I was told I had to do a group activity every day—they’re offered six days a week—and I was like ugh fine…some of them I liked more than others. There was an art group four days a week so I did that every time it was available. I made some little clay sculptures and some paintings. None of them very good, but that’s okay. I also did some writing and poetry groups and a health group. I didn’t love them all but it was nice to have something to do every day at least…it gets real boring there on Sundays.

Physiotherapy kept working with me while I was on the psychiatric unit. I graduated from using the walker for hallway laps and the cane for short distances to using the cane all the time to, as of yesterday, officially being cleared to walk without it. I still got to take it home with me and I bring it with me when I’m walking outside just in case I need to lean on it, because my leg still does get sore if I work it for too long, but I’m fully able to walk around on my own now, which is super exciting. I know this is kind of an awkward place to insert this section but idk exactly where else it fits. In any case, I think I improved way faster than they expected because at first I was told I would need rehab after leaving the hospital, then I didn’t need that anymore but would need the cane for a while after discharge, and now I barely need it at all. I’m quite happy with how that has gone.

At the end of the first week (I think?) we had a meeting with my parents. They’ve taken this whole thing quite well tbh. One of them would visit me every single day I was in there, and I know I’m really fortunate to have that. The meeting was to get I guess some perspective on our family life and all that. I barely remember it honestly it feels so long ago…it was like almost 6 weeks ago I guess…it was uncomfortable but yknow. I appreciate that my parents care about me. The next week, the doctors started working on diagnosing me. They did an evaluation…I filled out some questionnaires…and uh. Turns out I have autism.

In hindsight, that obsession with Peanuts that I had from ages like 12-14 was definitely a special interest. I don’t really know if I’ve had one since then…maybe Danganronpa…I was thinking actually that maybe my own OCs are a special interest now considering how much I think about them and love them and how much they occupy my heart and make me flap my hands. Also I guess the autism is why I flap my hands. And why I like being under blankets so much. And why noises can be such a problem for me. Honestly I’m still flip flopping back and forth between “I’m definitely faking it” and “Oh that’s why I do that” with this diagnosis. It feels weird still but I’m trying to accept it. I don’t know if it’s necessarily the reason why I did what I did…I guess you could say that since the emotional regulation is probably part of it, and the main reason I tried to kill myself was because my anger has become so overwhelming and has been destroying me so much and making me so horrible and it was stronger than me and I didn’t know how to get rid of it other than dying…but idk. They also wrote major depressive disorder on my discharge summary, but I think they just did that to justify why I was prescribed an antidepressant or something. They never really mentioned that as a diagnosis to me anyway, and the guy in ICU specifically said he didn’t think I had it. Anyway though that’s my new brain info.

A few days after the diagnosis, we had another family meeting to bring it up with my parents. This time they pulled my parents in to talk to them first and then came and got me to come in with everyone after, which I appreciate because it would’ve been really hard to sit through the whole meeting. Even the end part I did sit through was tough. But we got through it. As the weeks went on, I was given a bunch of handouts and information about autism and DBT, and I actually got a neurodivergent-specific DBT workbook, which is now mostly filled out. I am going to be doing DBT with a private therapist at some point; I’ll have to double check the discharge summary to see how that’s being organized…I’m very glad about that because DBT touches on stuff that I know is hard for me. And I really like the workbook for introducing me to forms of mindfulness that AREN’T just breathing or visualization focused, because that stuff is not helpful for me unfortunately, and it’s stuff that made me write off mindfulness in the past because I didn’t know there were other ways of doing it that would be more useful and not frustrating to me. I’m especially looking forward to the emotional regulation pillar since that’s my biggest struggle, but the stuff we worked on regarding distress tolerance kinda helps with that too so that’s good.

Aside from that, I’m going to be doing some other therapy with CAMH, some family therapy (not looking forward to that but I’ll do it), career counselling, which I’ve actually already started and it’s going pretty well…forgot to mention that the immediate trigger for my attempt was some stressful shit happening at my current job that I hate. Like, it’s not really why I wanted to kill myself, but it’s why I went through with it on that specific day. And I just generally really need a new job and I don’t know what kind of work to look for, so this career counselling is going to help me figure out what job titles I should be trying to find. Other than library stuff of course, because like, obviously I love libraries but there just isn’t a lot of library technician work in my province and also I forget a lot of the stuff I learned in library school so I probably wouldn’t be qualified anymore anyway. I’m on leave from my current job until September and am set up to receive employment insurance so hopefully that kicks in soon. That went on really long sorry. Other stuff I’m doingggggg uhhh I am meeting with a psychiatrist at a different hospital, my local one, for outpatient services. They were actually going to place me back with the one I used to see in 2018-2020, but my social worker helped me get transferred to a new person instead everyone say thank you Anne. I also have an appointment next week with my regular doctor, plus a bunch of general activities lined up to do bc they want me to have stuff like that outside of work. So I have a crochet group at the library that I’ll be attending—I went out on a pass to go once already but I couldn’t go last week and I can’t go this week because of follow up appointments at the hospital but I’ll go back next week—along with a walking group for the month of July, a concert band (hopefully) starting in September, some stuff at Dori Zener that I haven’t really properly set up yet but probably will soon, and maybe some cooking classes at George Brown, which I don’t really want to do but I guess I probably will. It’s all kind of a lot for me but I’ll try.

So I went on that pass to the crochet group a couple weeks ago. Then last week on Tuesday I did an overnight pass and came back on Wednesday. Last Friday, I went home for a weekend pass and came back on Sunday. From there, they lined me up for discharge this week. I am doing better now than I was when I came in, but in fairness, a) it’s summer, and b) I’m not working…so of course I feel better lol. But even so, I gotta give it a try and hope it all works out. The job stuff is going to be stressful; applying for jobs is always hard on me. Hopefully it’ll be easier if I can get back on concerta. I kinda stopped refilling my prescription about a year and a half ago because I decided being miserable and nonfunctional all the time was easier than making a phone call every month…yeah, not great…but I’ll try really hard with the phone calls because I do find that medication very helpful and I think it’ll make job searching easier and more effective.

I’m sorry if I scared anybody, and in general just for being such a disaster. It’s been a difficult few years but I’m going to try to make the next ones better even if I’m still a little scared. In all honesty, I would still rather be dead and I wish my attempt had worked…you really can’t go from Years of wanting to die straight to suddenly loving and being happy with life in a few weeks…but I’ll accept that it is possible for me not to feel this way one day and if I can get my anger under control, I think things will be okay. I also want to say that, while I’m not exactly thrilled to be alive, I am very grateful that I didn’t end up paralyzed—I was pretty sure this method would work but I did also have a deep fear that it would fail and I might end up never being able to walk again—and that I was brought to this specific hospital. I obviously was not thrilled with the outpatient psychiatric care I received at the hospital near me, and I don’t entirely trust that the inpatient would have been much better, but at this hospital, all of the staff members were so nice and wonderful. Every nurse was just an angel, the doctors were great and patient and didn’t talk down to me, the people who brought the meal trays were sweethearts, everyone was just really good and I feel like they took excellent care of me the whole time I was there. So if any of them are out there, thank you for helping me. For everyone else, I’ll be back with some art within the next month. Thank you for your patience with me.

TL;DR: tried to die, ended up in hospital, I’m fine now, also I’m autistic (more like thot-tistic) (gets punched)

god i am so fucking mad...i never post journal entries but this is too long to bitch about in a status update so here we fucking go okay the monday before last, so november 15th, i called my doctors office after work to ask for a phone appointment to discuss a prescription refill, like i've been doing every month for the past like year i've been seeing this doctor. reception told me, and like idk maybe i misheard or misunderstood, that the pharmacy had to fax over a request to refill the prescription. i was like ??????????? but said okay thank you i will speak with them, hung up the phone, cried. it took me another week to call the pharmacy, so this past monday, the 22nd, by which point i was obviously completely out of meds. and yes it is my fault that i waited that long to call but like it wasn't because i don't need the pills or didn't care, it's just because talking on the phone is really hard and overwhelming for me, and i'm already very tired and overwhelmed all the time these days, and it's especially hard when you run out of the pills that make you function for 8 hours a day y'know? anyway i called them at last and it turns out they have this automated thing where you literally just keep pressing numbers and they will get the message to fax your doctor for a prescription refill. which like sidenote we're not gonna talk about this but why are people still using fax machines in 2021 learn email. whatever anyway i knew it'd take a couple days bc the last time my pharmacy and doctor had to communicate, it took at least two days for anything to get done. but this was monday and today is friday and i still don't have my pills. but then like 20 minutes ago or something i got a call from the reception at the doctor's office. telling me. that they got a message from my pharmacy about a prescription refill. and wanted. to make a phone appointment for me. with my doctor. to discuss the refill.

bitch i will end you.

so now i have an appointment for wednesday, which is a day i have to actually go in to the office (they changed our schedule blah blah who cares), between 1:30 and 2:30 pm...in the middle of my work day...like, when they said wednesday i asked if there was anything in the evening, and i guess they misheard me bc they were like "oh, did you want one earlier than wednesday?" to which i said "no, wednesday is fine" like a FUCKING IDIOT why did i not ask for monday!!!!! i work from home on mondays!!!! fuck my fat ass!!!!!!! anyway so now i have to take a very personal phone call just in my cubicle and i guess i have to try to schedule my break around it. i guess i'll do two 15 minute breaks instead of one 30 minute break bc i had to take my break late today cause some guy was coming to fix the internet (he did not, and i worked from 7:45 straight to 2:30 before i said hey fuck this i'm getting up already) and i felt like i was going to die, so i'll have to take a short break at my usual time on wednesday (or a bit earlier) and then another short break whenever the call comes in, which could be any time tbh because last time i took a phone call from my doctor while at the office, i asked for an evening time, they said she'd call between 4 and 5 pm--i clock out at 4...or 3:45 these days cause i've been starting early but nobody asked--and she didn't call until after 5 so i just had to stay at the fucking office doing nothing for over an hour past the end of my shift, so who knows when she's gonna call now? and the thing is, as frustrating as that pharmacy debacle was, it honestly makes more sense to me, because my phone appointments with this doctor sometimes last under a minute. it's literally jsut "hello dear you want more medication? it's working well? okay and your pharmacy is this location? okay dear i'll send it over goodbye" like i may as well get the pharmacy to contact her for me...but nope, i have to do this shit! gotta keep buying energy drinks for another week i guess even though we all know the caffeine in a can of monster isn't actually an effective substitute for 72 mg of methylphenidates but it's better than fucking nothing, which is what i have in me right now, all because making doctor's appointments is apparently a whole fucking production that makes no sense to anybody!!!!! i kinda stopped being mad halfway through this last paragraph tbh and am just trying to keep up the vibe cause i truly was livid when i started writing this but i'm just tired now so i'm going to write a more positive status update i was going to write like an hour ago but forgot peace

I've made some Danganronpa sprite edits of my OCs, which I don't want to post on DeviantArt since it's all traced, but I decided I didn't want this description in the Tumblr post, even under a readmore, because it was going to make anyone who dared to click the readmore suffer and probably fuck up everyone's mobile dashboard...so I'm putting it here lol. Wish I could disable comments but I'm in too deep now to see if that whole process still works with Eclipse so anywayyyy here we go!

Francine Clarke - Ultimate Ballerina: I can’t really say exactly what I was thinking or what the process was for this one since it was done back in 2018 and I honestly can’t remember much of what it was like. Anyway, this was the first edit I made, as I’m sure you can tell haha. I dressed her in her usual attire rather than adjusting her clothes to really hammer home the ultimate talent, something I got better about going forward. She actually isn’t based on a single sprite, but actually has elements of Aoi, Junko, Kyoko, and Himiko in her. Obviously she doesn’t look amazing but I could’ve done worse for a first attempt.

Faye Belrose - Ultimate Pyrotechnician: I made her shortly after Francine, so, again, I can’t remember much, but this was when I decided to use base sprites that suited the characters more lmao. I wouldn’t say Faye is a whole lot like Toko, but the anger certainly fit. I don’t know why her nose looks like that I’m sorry. She also is just wearing her usual clothes, but at least they suggest someone who works with fire. I thought pyrotechnics would be a good way to link her element to an ultimate talent lol. 

Hunter Brand - Ultimate Guitarist: Okay, so if we’re being honest, Jackson would be the ultimate guitarist out of my OCs. However, I didn’t really want to edit Jackson and Hunter’s other main talents, cooking and gardening, aren’t exactly ultimate level. So I went with something he’s known for. I took a long break in between Faye and Hunter, and actually made my TD sprite edits in the meantime. The next few sprites were started last August. He is the first one I made in ibisPaint X instead of Photoshop, and has a bit of Gonta in his base in addition to Kaito. I feel like his level of muscle is in between those two...he’s more noticeably muscular than Kaito, but he’s not nearly at Gonta levels of bodybuilding. So I winged it a bit with the arms and I hope they look okay. The scaling is kind of weird on a bunch of these due to the way each game’s sprites are presented..but then, even some sprites from the same game don’t seem to be the same size, so I’m not sure what was up lmao. In any case, it was cool seeing the differences between the different games’ sprites up close like this, like the line thickness, light source, positioning, etc.

Eva Coulton - Ultimate Environmentalist: Not sure how I feel about that talent but it is a decent fit at least. I’m so glad I chose this sprite for her...the pose and smile are so fitting. Speaking of fitting, I’m sorry if her clothes look weird. Honestly, the hardest part of these edits was when my characters’ clothes didn’t match the base sprite’s clothes very closely and I just had to kinda guess lol. I understand clothing folds in theory, I’m just bad at applying them. Definitely could’ve shaded her clothes better, and the vines are a little weird. She is cute tho and I love her face. I sketched her in ibisPaint X but she was lined and coloured in Photoshop.

Darren Poelstra - Ultimate Metalhead: I figure “metalhead” flows better than “metal vocalist” or “metal musician” so that’s what he gets lol. I did put a little more effort into his outfit, but it is definitely something he’d already wear. I just put a tiny bit more detail into it than I usually do. I always have a problem with too little detail in my OCs’ outfits, from a lack of accessories to single-colour shirts. But look! A graphic hoodie! On my son! Also changed the colour of his piercings. I assume I did that to make them stand out better against his hair or to match with, say, Rantaro’s or Ibuki’s piercing colour, but I can’t entirely remember. With him, I sketched him in ibisPaint X but did the rest of the work in Photoshop. 

Summer Poelstra - Ultimate ???: Summer is a weird one because honestly she would not go to Hope’s Peak. She doesn’t have an ultimate talent. I could have had her be the protagonist and Ultimate Lucky Student, but I decided to go with my other “talentless” OC for that since Summer is not the type to speak up in class trials and wouldn’t be a good protagonist. I probably shouldn’t have even made her a sprite but...I wanted to. Anyway, I did her (and the next four) entirely in ibisPaint X. I’m glad that at least she already has an interesting outfit lol. Her hair could probably be better. There isn’t a whole lot of wavy/curly hair in Danganronpa so there wasn’t much to reference there...unfortunate considering most of my OCs have wavy/curly hair but I just did my best. I think I might have done this edit before I decided to change how I draw Summer’s glasses, so if they look weird, that’s why. Obviously she’s mostly Tsumugi-based but I think I referenced Ishimaru as well for the pants if I recall correctly. 

Peggy Milton - Ultimate Handywoman: Okay. I’m gonna complain for a minute lmfao. I had to base her on Twogami because he has the closest body type to her, and obviously I made some changes, like the expression, the face shape (somewhat), etc. I hate to criticize an artist’s choices or anything, nor am I in any position to do so, but my GOD, does Twogami ever have some thick-ass lineart. I noticed this with the sdr2 sprites in general but I think this particular character has the thickest lineart in the series. It works fine in the game but not so much for my edits imo. I actually thinned it out a little for this sprite and I still think it’s too much! Ughhhh. Anyway, in terms of her talent, she could’ve been the ultimate bassist but I wanted to limit the number of musical talents in the group and bring out this aspect of her character that I don’t touch on a lot. She can do plumbing, electrical work, installation of windows and shit, etc. I’m not sure if that nail belt sash thing goes with her outfit but the gal’s gotta have her tools. Tbh this edit is also interesting because I sketched her in 2019 and only finished her pretty recently, like within the last few weeks. In fact, even as I was uploading this, I brought her into Photoshop to fix some of her shading. I think this is the edit I’m least happy with. I do love Peggy though. 

Sanit Bamrung - Ultimate Manicurist: I kind of love how he turned out...he’s the second last one I sketched but I finished him before Peggy. I really love his blush and I am very happy with the sprite I chose to use. I did consider actually turning the hands around to show off his nails but after about two seconds of looking at that idea I decided “big nope” and moved on. The hair is not totally accurate to how Sanit’s hair would look from the front since drawing that is a huge pain and this looks better. Although he’s obviously mostly Rantaro-based, I referenced Komaeda a bit as well, as Rantaro wears those baggy clothes and Sanit’s got skinny jeans like Komaeda. He does also kind of have thicker legs than Rantaro though anyway so it’s kinda in-between lol. He might look a biiiit too thin here but not too much I don’t think. Colouring him was the hardest part...the accessories were going to be black but I thought he would have too much black in his design that way and it is not easy to find colours that look good with those pants. And yes, I could’ve given him different pants, but these are kind of his signature look and I love them so I refused. After I ruled out black, I made the belt and bracelet red, which would’ve been fine for the bracelet but I didn’t like how the belt looked in red. I’m not sure if purple looks great with the pants but it is a better fit for the belt and it’s a colour Peggy tends to wear a lot so it made it easy for me to match their accessories. The heart-shaped belt was kind of an on-the-spot decision. I wanted him to have an interesting belt buckle for the sake of design but couldn’t really think of or find any relating to nail care so we got this...not sure if it’s something he’d think to buy or wear, but if Peggy gave it to him, he’d definitely wear it. As for the manicure kit there...again, pink might not go well with the other colours, but it was the only colour I could picture the kit being. I probably should’ve done pale purple but alas. And of course he’s wearing a t-shirt of his girlfriend’s band. 

Darshan Sarin - Ultimate Lucky Student: My protagonist! I made him before Sanit but that’s okay. In fact, I sketched Peggy back in 2019, didn’t edit anything for like eight months, and then came back and started this guy this April. Then, a month later, I returned to him and finished the whole set within a few weeks. As a protagonist, it made the most sense to me to base him off a protagonist’s sprite if possible, and Hajime is the most fitting, both in the pose (Shuichi has a similar one but this one’s a little more dynamic and angry) and in the attitude. I mean, Darshan is sweet, but he’s also very protective. And sassy. I don’t entirely know how to feel about this edit because honestly it doesn’t look that much like him...part of it is probably just the Danganronpa eye style, and then some parts of him are also a bit thin, especially the neck. I did go back and make his arms a little bigger a couple times during the process but I’m still not sure they’re accurate lol. Well, this would be a younger Darshan, before he left home and got built. Dressing him was a bit of a challenge...he’s only just starting to express his femininity, still living with his shit parents and all, so he’s wearing a jacket and pants but he’s got lots of pins and patches. They are partially for the sake of interesting design but they are also important to him as a way to express himself at least a bit. And he’s got a cute ruffly shirt hidden underneath the jacket in his favourite colour. I made another version of this where the jacket was orange and the shirt was pink with dark pink flecks, but I thought it was too bright and that this looked better. Also meant to do a bit more detailing on the jacket but didn’t end up doing it. I do like his outfit in the end and he didn’t give me lineart trouble despite being based on a Danganronpa 2 sprite, so I respect him. 

Alika Khan - Ultimate Basketball Champion: Alright so clearly I fucked up scaling this one lmao. Yikes. Not sure how I did that but oh well. With her title, I could’ve gone with “basketball player” but I didn’t really like that, and “basketball pro” didn’t seem to fit either. I like “champion” though. She’s based on a Mahiru sprite, although I didn’t want her to be sad so I had to change her expression, which...maybe didn’t work out great for me. I also referenced a Kazuichi sprite and I can’t remember exactly why I did that but I assume it’s because he had the open collar and his face shape is somewhat closer to Alika’s than Mahiru’s is. I also referenced his shading in some areas because Mahiru’s shading seemed a little odd to me. You know what else pained me about Mahiru? Her fucking lineart. Not as thick as Twogami’s, but it was thick enough that I ended up thinning it out myself in a lot of places. This sprite is similar to Darshan’s in that it doesn’t really look that much like my character. To be honest, I really don’t like how her face turned out. It looked fine before I coloured, but...honestly, I think her eyes are just too low (and big). If they were higher, she might look better in the face. I also had a tough time with her hair, and actually had to shift the sprite down a bit to fit her cowlicks at the top (which would not have been an issue if I’d scaled her correctly but somehow she ended up this way), but I think I like the way her hair turned out in the end. The ponytail especially. As for her outfit, I didn’t add too many more details to her regular clothes because Alika’s sort of the type who prefers not to stand out so she doesn’t wear a lot of flashy clothes or accessories. That and the fact that too much jewelry gets in the way on the basketball court (or other sporting activities). The butterfly necklace was a random choice but I like it and I think she’d wear it at least some of the time. Plus a little pin to celebrate sportball. She didn’t end up being the best-looking sprite of the bunch, but I still like her.